Bitch slapped and fake vomit...

I like to pretend that my life is sooooo eventful that I could fill a blog with endless stories. Well I can't. So here's a semi-eventful story.

I always look forward to the weekend and what it has to offer. Saturday night we had a birthday party to attend. It was Angie's 20th birthday. (Angie is Tyler's buddy Jason's wife. Got it?) The party was at a condo in Park City. Enough said.

I had a feeling things were gonna get wild. (Condo parties usually are...) I had been feeling pretty crappy all day so I wasn't in the mood to 'socialize.' We get there around 10:00 PM and there's a little 18 year old skeeze thinking she owns the GD place. Most of you who know me, know that I get along with everyone, but not stupid people. This biotch was dumb. Dumb doesn't even describe her. Anyways...I'm sitting on the couch just observing and she is taking jello shot after jello shot. I swear I saw her eat like 7. Five minutes after the pigging out of jello shots, drama ensued. Some other people came in and apparently the new girl who came in planned her wedding one day before the dumb biotch's aunties wedding. (Like who gives a....) At this point I'm really starting to feel sick so I decided to go lay down in the car. I come back in 20 or so minutes later, go and find Tyler. We hang out on the back balcony for a bit because it was bloody hot in the condo. The screen is open and I'm just chilling listening to everyone's conversations. Out comes dumb biotch and goes up to the girl she has beef with and bitch slaps her right on the face. And it wasn't a gentle slap either. It was Jerry Springer worthy. The girl on the receiving end was pretty cool about it and just let her be. But biotch was making a scene trying to punch a 300 lb. dude blocking the door. Somebody let her out (dumb idea) and she drove away piss drunk!

Come to find out the next day...biotch got a DUI about 5 miles away from the condo. She had a suspended license and was underage...so there's a triple whammy! I have no tolerance for drunk driving or stupid people. Put those two together and I really can't stand you. Biotch got what she deserved...a SR-22 and slamma time! While grocery shopping for last nights dinner...Tyler kept saying how bad that sucks for her. And I finally snapped and told him that I wanted to hear no more about her and her dumb face. It is your own fault for getting behind the wheel drunk. She was stupid and gets whatever the consequences may be. Drinking and driving kills people.

Flash forward to today. (Monday) I'm the only one in the sales office for the week cause the boys are out on sales trips and stuff. It has been fabulous. I ran to Sam's Club this morning to get binders and I decided to run to my mothers to get my mail and get my whitening trays. (I go to the dentist on thursday.) 2 weekends ago I was cleaning Tyler's bathroom and found a whole bunch of whitening gel. He told me that they were a little old but that they should be fine to use. So I run home, put some gel in the trays and run back to the office. I am sitting at my computer emailing a client and I start to notice something isn't right. As the gel seeped out, it had an awful taste to it. I run to the bathroom to spit, (gross I know.) and I think all is well. Nope. I'm typing away when all of the sudden this extreme urge to vomit overcomes me. I rip the trays out and start dry heaving to all hell. I look up and the operations manager is taking a prospective client on a tour. I'm mortified cause I'm sitting here about to toss cookies, during which three people are quietly obeserving. John goes on to joke, "Oh she's probably just pregnant." Laughs. Then walks away. I AM NOT KNOCKED UP. I was just 'poisoned' by some rotten tooth whitening gel.

Point of the story: It doesn't pay to drink and drive or bleach your teeth.

Update: Apparently biotch thought she would get her revenge and tell the cop that pulled her over where the party was and that there was massive amounts of drinking there. Cop came around 2:30 (We were long gone. We left around midnight.) but no citations were issued. What a skeeze.

Correction: I was wrong. I told Tyler that I didn't think whitening gel expired. So I'm sorry Tyler, it was my fault.