dear cars, you suck!!!!

Last week a portion of a conversation I had with my friend:

Jamie: "Yeah I've owned the Galant for almost 2 years now and not a single accident! This is some kind of miracle."

If you've known me since my 16th birthday, you'll know I've been in some kind of automobile accident with each car I've owned. Some were my fault, some not.

I cannot post in any public space what is going on in my work life at the moment. So you will have to hang tight for a couple of weeks and then I can spill the beans. Details aside, this situation I'm in is literally killing me (slowly.) I don't eat much, I don't sleep much, and I all I do is cry and cry. On a good night, I'm getting about 3 hours of sleep. I do not function on that little amount of sleep. I'm cranky, I'm grumpy, I'm emotional....I'm a wreck.

This current state of mind is affecting more than I realized. I'm losing weight, even thought I should be gaining. My back is worse when I don't get adequate rest. And my mind tends to take a vacation.

That's what happened yesterday.

I get in my car to go to work. (Yes, I still have a job.) I scrape my windows and hit the road. I'm still in the neighborhood when I realize my car is probably running on gasoline fumes and a prayer, I go to your lovely neighborhood Maverik to fill her up. Well, I'm getting ready to turn left into the gas station and for some reason my ability to think was left at home. I turned left and didn't see the car and hit it. I felt awful. I was a literal mess. The lady I hit was taking a small group of jr. high aged girls to school. They were freaking out. I felt so bad. When the police came, I was honest and told them what was happening in my life and that I wasn't thinking clearly and that the accident was 100% my fault. The officer was really too nice to me and didn't give me a ticket. He told me that I needed a vacation to somewhere warm and tropical and told me that he felt sorry for me. I have renewed faith that there are SOME good-hearted police officers in Utah. (Thank you Officer..) My car was not driveable, so they towed her away. :(

The first person I called after 911 was Tyler. I cannot express enough how much I love him. He called his sweet grandma who picked me up and then he left work immediately after to come be home with me. After he came home he took me to a few place and then to good ol IHOP for some fattening breakfast. We came home and I tried to sleep, but that was out of the question. I was so anxious I thought my chest was going to explode. I kept picturing the crash and the sound of impact, and I'd lose it. My foot was pretty cut up and my body was very banged up, so my comfort level was prohibiting sleep. Last night was the worse, I'd fall asleep for 5 minutes and then wake up because I'd see the crash in my sleep. I hate the day after car wrecks because the pain is x100 worse.

After every single car accident I've been in, I realized who actually cares about me. A few people after learning that I was in an accident yesterday, didn't give two shits how I was but wanted to know if my car was totalled. Those people can kiss my black ass. I'm tired of those people who don't really care about you, and I'm glad I'm realizing that they suck and I don't need them. I have an amazing family (including Tyler's) who ensure I am taken care of. I also have amazing friends who have been there for me even when I don't get in a car accident or am sick. One friend in particular, has been an angel. I'm grateful for her and all she's done.
I honestly don't get upset anymore about the damage to my cars. About 3 years ago, I could have been killed from an accident. I learned after that accident that the material goods in life don't matter. It's the relationships you keep and most importantly, your family. I love my family more than I could ever express in this post. They have stood by me through every decision or event in my life and helped me through the darkest period of my life.
I'm not saying this because I am on pain medication, but I really am grateful for what I have and for my friends and family and Tyler. I have so much love and gratitude, but I won't get into that.

Thank you to all of those who have helped me through this past few weeks. I see a light at the end of this (shitty) tunnel. More details about that to come.

Love,
Jamie

This is my foot, semi-cleaned up. It wouldn't stop bleeding. Sorry for the gore.

Just one side of the car. Please pray she is totalled. (haha just kidding! I think I'm just tired of car payments!!)